ex-retro babyface

Instead of writing a whole long rant about my morning at the gym, I'm going to just let "The Oatmeal" cartoon emphasize how awkward it tends to be (this way I can focus more of my energies on the non-naked lesson from my morning)



I guess the only people working out at 6am are me, and whoever lives in the retirement facility down the road from our Fitness center.



Anyway...aside from another experience in dodging eye contact with awkward men who want to talk about whatever the stock market is or isn't doing, I learned a valuable lesson this morning about shaving.

For the past 2 weeks, much to the chagrin of my wife, I've had a full mustache that complemented my aviators in such a way that made me
             (as a fan of Chicago sports)  
incredibly proud.

This morning however, it was time to say goodbye to the mustache that I have carried proudly on my upper lip.

We have a good friend who is getting married this weekend, and my 
wife has channeled the persistent widow from Luke 18 
in her efforts to have my facial hair removed 
("please.please.please.ohplease.prettyplease.please.ohplease.please...")

I never would have guessed the effect that a mere 10 minutes in the steamroom would have on the process of shaving.  I guess enough time in the steam just lulls the hairs right to sleep, because they put up absolutely no fight when they met the 5 unrelenting blades of my Gillette.

I'm talking 30 seconds or less to go from something to nothing without clippers.  AMAZING.

As I looked back at myself in the mirror after shaving I remembered EXACTLY why it is that I grow beards.  With a beard, I look like a normal well-adjusted grown up person.  Once it's gone, I see the naked face of a chubby baby looking back at me that just screams "WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO ME!?!?!?" 

So I left for the club sporting my best 'retro-sexual' look 

this morning, and I came home looking like I just parked 

my Big Wheels in the yard so I could come in for a snack.

At least I know that tomorrow morning will bring the stubble that evens it all out.